Tag Archives: Republicans

Michael Snyder and the Dumbest Conservative List You’ll Read

blogguyEvery time a Conservative writes a post that lists things, I picture a guy at his desk using his fingers and toes. That being said, Michael Snyder’s post “A list of 100 things liberals hate about America” must have been GRUELING.

After his fingers and toes were depleted, he probably tried an abacus, but couldn’t figure out how to use it. counter

Moving on to a hand held counter, he kept forgetting whether he clicked it the last time or not. At this point, he’s at a head exploding level of frustration, and calls John Hawkins, Conservative list-maker extraordinaire. “For God’s sake man, put pebbles in a pile!” Hawkins screams. Finally, Snyder finishes his list.

Michael_SnyderMichael Snyder runs the website “The Economic Collapse”, where he claims he puts “a very high priority on love” (Which is obviously why he’s written such a hateful post). He calls himself “one of those Christians that actually believes the Bible.” (Just not that Ephesians 4:25 thing: Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another).

ANYWAY, let’s look at some of the 100 things we supposedly “hate about America”. I’ll skip the tired old BS like the Constitution, the Founding Fathers, the flag, the 10 Commandments…

zsSorry, where was I? Oh yeah, we Liberals hate:

#5 Big Trucks

rolling coalMaybe what he means here is the childish pricks who have modified their “big trucks” to “spew great plumes of black exhaust smoke — just like the trucks at truck-and-tractor-pull competitions... targets being “walkers, joggers, cyclists, hybrid and Asian cars…” (Business Insider, Sep. 6, 2016) Why do this you ask? Because wanting cleaner air somehow infringes on their liberty.

#11 Traditional Values

You know, like women at home, barefoot and pregnant AGAIN, while the family struggles on one income, but the husband’s a “man’s man” because he’s “head of the house” they struggle to pay for.

#12 The American Flag

Sorry, dumbshit; this is not the American flag. con flag

 

 

 

 

#16 Religious Freedom

He means the kind of religious freedom Conservative Christians believe they’re the only ones entitled to. You know, where they’re trying to shove it down everyone else’s throats while they themselves behave like a bunch of heathens.

#17 Homeschooling

This one’s true; but only because we cringe at things like “ain’t got none”, nukular, and “fixin’ to”.

#19 Christian Schools

True again; because Jesus didn’t ride a dinosaur, the earth is more than 6,000 years old, and science is a real thing.

#22 Donald Trump

ABSOLUTELY

(Although I would have had him at #1.)

#23 Mike Pence

pence

#25 Rush Limbaugh

limbaughWhat sane person doesn’t? The REAL point here is that Snyder, a “good Christian” and all, doesn’t hate this pig. Limbaugh has suggested, among other things, that poor children should look for food in dumpsters..

 

#28 Old-Fashioned Light Bulbs

Yes, and turtles caught in 6 pack rings, garbage washing up on the beach, toxic dumps…

#29 Jesus, #30 The Bible, #31 The Christian Faith

Blah, Blah, Blah

#32 The Drudge Report

Seriously? Like anyone gives a damn?

#33 John Wayne

Watch it, pardner.

#34 Alex Jones

This unhinged lunatic? Yup.

Alex Jones faces

#36 Tupperware

HUH?

#37 Big Cheeseburgers

HUH?

#39 Clint Eastwood

LOVE his movies but, the guy talks to empty chairs for God’s sake.

#44 Ron Paul

#45 Rand Paul

Gee, wonder why…

The Pauls

#46 Marriage

Conservatives clearly like marriage more than we do, as they tend to do it 2, 3, even 4 times. Me? One man, 20 years. Yeah, I must hate marriage.

#51 Steakhouses

Right after big cheeseburgers, I guess.

#52 Chuck Norris

I have a thing against guys who play action heroes on TV, so they think they’re heroes in real life.

John-wayne

#53 Bottled Water

I think he’s talking about Nestle here. As Your News Wire reported:

Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, the now Chairman of one of the biggest corporations and the largest food product manufacturer in the world, believes corporations should own all the water on the planet, and no one should be allowed to have access to it unless they pay.

Nestle-CEO

#55 The 1st Amendment

#56 The 2nd Amendment

#57 The 10th Amendment

Must have lost track of his counting pebbles again.

#63 Charlie Daniels

Love the music, but I wouldn’t hang out with him.

#64 Dolly Parton

He’s got me there. Wigs too big, clothes too small, voice like nails on a chalkboard… and she really should back off the Botox.

dolly parton

#65 Duck Dynasty

True. We hate phonies, and we can spot them a mile away.

duck dynasty frauds

#66 Johnny Cash

Sorry, LOVE Johnny Cash

#67 Sarah Palin

We’re obviously not the only ones. As we tried to tell you in 2008…

sarahpalinpoll

This Bimbo doesn’t belong ANYWHERE NEAR the Oval Office.

palin

Now, can you stop making stupid people famous… PLEASE?

#68 Cheesesteaks

Now that’s just ridiculous.

#69 Sean Hannity

True, Liberals don’t like political shills posing as “News” folk.

hannity

#71 Cadillacs

Well you have to admit, they have gotten pretty ugly.

caddies

I’d rather have a Jag

2017-Jaguar-F-Type-S-Convertible

#72 Barbie Dolls

Someone’s got a doll fetish, I think. Seriously, in this century

dolls

#73 Ted Cruz

We are not alone.

#75 Charlton Heston

Actually, I love his cold dead hands.

#76 Israel

I don’t hate Israel; I hate this guy:

#77 Benjamin Netanyahu

#78 Miners

Because we care about their health?

#80 The Coal Industry

Because they make their money by killing their employees?

#85 Small Businesses

In Republican Land, the following companies are considered “small businesses” because they’re classified as “Pass Throughs” (NBC, 2010):

  • Enterprise Products Partners, L.P., a pipeline company with 2009 revenues of $25 billion.
  • Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co., a Wall Street firm with $445 million in revenue in 2009.
  • Price Waterhouse Coopers, an accounting firm with $26 billion in revenue in 2009.
  • Koch Industries, a conglomerate of partnerships with 70,000 employees.
  • The Hillman Company, an investment founded by billionaire philanthropist/industrialist Henry Hillman.

Yeah, we hate them.

#89 The Phrase “Islamic Terror”

First of all, it’s “Radical Islamic Terrorists”; and why don’t Conservatives ever say the phrases “Radical Domestic Terrorists”, or “Radical Christian Terrorists”?

#90 Big Families

He means big religious families, like the ones who have 20 kids because they can’t have sex unless it’s for pro-creation, but they like sex so they just keep spitting kids out, and if one’s a pedophile they just lock their daughters up at night and continue pontificating on how dangerous gay people are, meanwhile the pedophile grows up to hire hookers, but God forgives him and them for everything.

#91 The Bible Belt

That would be the area of the country where teen pregnancies, repeat teen pregnancies (the “Bible Belt” needs a chastity belt evidently), poverty, obesity, diabetes, incarceration, lack of education, and porn, among other things, are predominant.

#92 The Creation Museum

Adam and EveThe day they explain how Adam and Eve got belly buttons, I’ll pay attention.

 

 

 

#95 Anyone Who Disagrees With Them

Translation: Anyone who repeats GOP talking points verbatim as their own thoughts. Sort of like Mr. Snyder did with most of his list.

#100 The American People

THEY elected Trump, so I’ll just leave that one right there.

Clipart-Of-A-Red-Rose

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Dear Franklin Graham

To Franklin Graham, failed Christian:

graham quote

Donald Trump is an ignorant, adulterous, conniving, arrogant, unapologetic, racist, bigoted, self-important, despicable human being. He is EVERYTHING God decried.

YOU SIR, SHIT ON EVERY BASIC TENET OF CHRISTIANITY WHEN YOU IMPLY GOD HAD A HAND IN ELECTING THIS SOCIOPATH.

MAY YOU BURN IN HELL ALONG WITH TRUMP.

Clipart-Of-A-Red-Rose 

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Filed under Donald Trump, Phony Christians, Politics, Religion, religious nuts, Religious Right, the-guy-currently-residing-in-the-white-house

The Idiots and the Oddities, 4/23/17

Homer 2My weekly look at the Right Wing’s most ridiculous statements, unhinged characters, and all-around foolishness.

Let’s begin with our new U.S. Attorney General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III.  After Hawaii’s Federal Judge Derrick Watson blocked the Guy-Currently- Residing-in-the-White-House’s (GCRIWH) revised travel ban, Sessions said in an interview:

“We are confident that the president will prevail on appeal and particularly in the Supreme Court, if not the 9th Circuit… I really am amazed that a judge sitting on an island in the Pacific can issue an order that stops the president of the United States from what appears to be clearly his statutory and constitutional power.”

Now, I can be a bit of a nit-picker, but I think the U.S. Attorney General should have at least an elementary grasp of the law, maybe even the Constitution. One could write his ignorance off as a result of being raised in Alabama, rated 42nd in education nationally; problem is, Sessions actually voted to put Judge Watson on the bench.

From the same vein of ignorance of the Constitution comes this mixed up legal argument from lawyers for GCRIWH. They’re defending the orange one and his campaign in a legal action brought by some folks who were roughed up at one of his rallies:

scratching head

…protestors have their own First Amendment right to express dissenting views, but they have no right to do so as part of the campaign rally of the political candidates they oppose.

Yes, they believe the only place you can legally protest is at a rally for the candidate you agree with. As it turns out, one of the Deplorables doing the assaulting is also suing Trump. From News Corpse:

bamberger

Bamberger

On Monday one of the perpetrators, 75-year-old white nationalist Alvin Bamberger, responded with a lawsuit of his own. However, it was not directed at those accusing him of assault. It’s directed at Donald Trump.

According to the filing: “To the extent that Bamberger acted, he did so in response to – and inspired by – Trump and/or the Trump campaign’s urging to remove the protesters.

If Bamberger is adjudged liable to Nwanguma for his actions, Trump and/or the Trump campaign should be adjudged liable to Bamberger in an equal sum, because Trump and/or the Trump campaign urged and inspired Bamberger to act as he did.’

White Supremacist

Those big, tough, White Nationalists, so bold in a crowd of the like-minded. Get arrested and they start squealing like a pig, and crying like a baby: “Trump made me do it!”

On to North Carolina, where an investigation into voter fraud found one woman had “illegally cast a ballot on behalf of her deceased mother”. The News and Observer reports:

OMG

“If anything happens, you have my power of attorney and you be sure to vote for Donald Trump for me,” the mother allegedly told the daughter.

“[M]y actions were in no way intended to be fraudulent but were done during my grief and an effort to honor my mother’s last request,” the daughter explained to authorities.

The state decided not to press charges. Let’s all go out and add a vote on behalf of our deceased relatives in 2018, shall we? We can blame it on grief from our national embarrassment.

Tom Cotton, tells us we have no reason to think the Orange Idiot has anything to hide regarding his taxes:

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to find out where Donald Trump has connections overseas. He normally puts his name on buildings when he has them.

I’m guessing Tommy’s too young to recall Leona Helmsley who, despite having her name on numerous properties, was sentenced to prison for tax fraud. And she didn’t owe foreign governments millions. 

Gisela Allen, conservative candidate for Scotland’s Glasgow Council, gave a stream of consciousness style answer to the Sunday Herald‘s question: “Why do you want to be a councillor?” Among several statements she made was this little gem:

monkey

“I am not anti-gay, but how can you call that a community? Sex life is everybody’s private affair. You do not come out and declare openly.

Do you think I am going all over the city and saying my idea of a sexually-attractive creature is a gorilla? When I go to a zoo and I see a gorilla my hormones go absolutely crazy. I find a gorilla very attractive.

I got nothin’. Except to point out that the only folks talking or thinking about sex with animals are always Conservatives.

Finally, the GCRIWH has embarrassed the country YET AGAIN. The UK’s Daily Mail reports:

Donald Trump has demanded a carriage procession down the Mall as an essential element for his state visit. The US President is said to have ‘made it clear’ that the gold-plated carriage procession to Buckingham Palace should go ahead, marking an unprecedented security operation.

  The Metropolitan Police are already said to be preparing for the ‘biggest public order operation in several years’ as protests are expecting when President Trump visits the UK in October.

A source told the Times: ‘The vehicle which carries the president of the United States is a spectacular vehicle, designed to withstand a massive attack like a low-level rocket granade. ‘If he is in a golden coach being dragged up the Mall by a couple of horses, the risk factor is dramatically increased.’

Hell, I say let him ride!

Queen's Coach

goes out to LGBTQ NationForward Progressives,

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Filed under Politics, Republicans, The Idiots and the Oddities, the-guy-currently-residing-in-the-white-house