Every time a Conservative writes a post that lists things, I picture a guy at his desk using his fingers and toes. That being said, Michael Snyder’s post “A list of 100 things liberals hate about America” must have been GRUELING.
After his fingers and toes were depleted, he probably tried an abacus, but couldn’t figure out how to use it.
Moving on to a hand held counter, he kept forgetting whether he clicked it the last time or not. At this point, he’s at a head exploding level of frustration, and calls John Hawkins, Conservative list-maker extraordinaire. “For God’s sake man, put pebbles in a pile!” Hawkins screams. Finally, Snyder finishes his list.
Michael Snyder runs the website “The Economic Collapse”, where he claims he puts “a very high priority on love” (Which is obviously why he’s written such a hateful post). He calls himself “one of those Christians that actually believes the Bible.” (Just not that Ephesians 4:25 thing: Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another).
ANYWAY, let’s look at some of the 100 things we supposedly “hate about America”. I’ll skip the tired old BS like the Constitution, the Founding Fathers, the flag, the 10 Commandments…
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, we Liberals hate:
#5 Big Trucks
Maybe what he means here is the childish pricks who have modified their “big trucks” to “spew great plumes of black exhaust smoke — just like the trucks at truck-and-tractor-pull competitions... targets being “walkers, joggers, cyclists, hybrid and Asian cars…” (Business Insider, Sep. 6, 2016) Why do this you ask? Because wanting cleaner air somehow infringes on their liberty.
#11 Traditional Values
You know, like women at home, barefoot and pregnant AGAIN, while the family struggles on one income, but the husband’s a “man’s man” because he’s “head of the house” they struggle to pay for.
#12 The American Flag
Sorry, dumbshit; this is not the American flag.
#16 Religious Freedom
He means the kind of religious freedom Conservative Christians believe they’re the only ones entitled to. You know, where they’re trying to shove it down everyone else’s throats while they themselves behave like a bunch of heathens.
This one’s true; but only because we cringe at things like “ain’t got none”, nukular, and “fixin’ to”.
#19 Christian Schools
True again; because Jesus didn’t ride a dinosaur, the earth is more than 6,000 years old, and science is a real thing.
#22 Donald Trump
(Although I would have had him at #1.)
#23 Mike Pence
#25 Rush Limbaugh
What sane person doesn’t? The REAL point here is that Snyder, a “good Christian” and all, doesn’t hate this pig. Limbaugh has suggested, among other things, that poor children should look for food in dumpsters..
#28 Old-Fashioned Light Bulbs
Yes, and turtles caught in 6 pack rings, garbage washing up on the beach, toxic dumps…
#29 Jesus, #30 The Bible, #31 The Christian Faith
Blah, Blah, Blah
#32 The Drudge Report
Seriously? Like anyone gives a damn?
#33 John Wayne
Watch it, pardner.
#34 Alex Jones
This unhinged lunatic? Yup.
#37 Big Cheeseburgers
#39 Clint Eastwood
LOVE his movies but, the guy talks to empty chairs for God’s sake.
#44 Ron Paul
#45 Rand Paul
Gee, wonder why…
Conservatives clearly like marriage more than we do, as they tend to do it 2, 3, even 4 times. Me? One man, 20 years. Yeah, I must hate marriage.
Right after big cheeseburgers, I guess.
#52 Chuck Norris
I have a thing against guys who play action heroes on TV, so they think they’re heroes in real life.
#53 Bottled Water
I think he’s talking about Nestle here. As Your News Wire reported:
Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, the now Chairman of one of the biggest corporations and the largest food product manufacturer in the world, believes corporations should own all the water on the planet, and no one should be allowed to have access to it unless they pay.
#55 The 1st Amendment
#56 The 2nd Amendment
#57 The 10th Amendment
Must have lost track of his counting pebbles again.
#63 Charlie Daniels
Love the music, but I wouldn’t hang out with him.
#64 Dolly Parton
He’s got me there. Wigs too big, clothes too small, voice like nails on a chalkboard… and she really should back off the Botox.
#65 Duck Dynasty
True. We hate phonies, and we can spot them a mile away.
#66 Johnny Cash
Sorry, LOVE Johnny Cash
#67 Sarah Palin
We’re obviously not the only ones. As we tried to tell you in 2008…
This Bimbo doesn’t belong ANYWHERE NEAR the Oval Office.
Now, can you stop making stupid people famous… PLEASE?
Now that’s just ridiculous.
#69 Sean Hannity
True, Liberals don’t like political shills posing as “News” folk.
Well you have to admit, they have gotten pretty ugly.
I’d rather have a Jag
#72 Barbie Dolls
Someone’s got a doll fetish, I think. Seriously, in this century
#73 Ted Cruz
We are not alone.
#75 Charlton Heston
Actually, I love his cold dead hands.
I don’t hate Israel; I hate this guy:
#77 Benjamin Netanyahu
Because we care about their health?
#80 The Coal Industry
Because they make their money by killing their employees?
#85 Small Businesses
In Republican Land, the following companies are considered “small businesses” because they’re classified as “Pass Throughs” (NBC, 2010):
- Enterprise Products Partners, L.P., a pipeline company with 2009 revenues of $25 billion.
- Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co., a Wall Street firm with $445 million in revenue in 2009.
- Price Waterhouse Coopers, an accounting firm with $26 billion in revenue in 2009.
- Koch Industries, a conglomerate of partnerships with 70,000 employees.
- The Hillman Company, an investment founded by billionaire philanthropist/industrialist Henry Hillman.
Yeah, we hate them.
#89 The Phrase “Islamic Terror”
First of all, it’s “Radical Islamic Terrorists”; and why don’t Conservatives ever say the phrases “Radical Domestic Terrorists”, or “Radical Christian Terrorists”?
#90 Big Families
He means big religious families, like the ones who have 20 kids because they can’t have sex unless it’s for pro-creation, but they like sex so they just keep spitting kids out, and if one’s a pedophile they just lock their daughters up at night and continue pontificating on how dangerous gay people are, meanwhile the pedophile grows up to hire hookers, but God forgives him and them for everything.
#91 The Bible Belt
That would be the area of the country where teen pregnancies, repeat teen pregnancies (the “Bible Belt” needs a chastity belt evidently), poverty, obesity, diabetes, incarceration, lack of education, and porn, among other things, are predominant.
#92 The Creation Museum
The day they explain how Adam and Eve got belly buttons, I’ll pay attention.
#95 Anyone Who Disagrees With Them
Translation: Anyone who repeats GOP talking points verbatim as their own thoughts. Sort of like Mr. Snyder did with most of his list.
#100 The American People
THEY elected Trump, so I’ll just leave that one right there.